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Still working on it 
Work in progress
It’s been 14 years now. I am still trying to comprehend all the things I have learned.
I have learned that life without love is pointless. I have learned that family and friends are worth living for–even in our darkest moments. I have learned to savor the taste of ice cream. the smell of a freshly mowed lawn, the laughter of my son, and knowing that with my survival came responsibility.
You see, my father passed away almost one year to the date of my heart exploding. He was duck hunting with his brother when he experienced “something wrong” in his chest. He was life flighted to a hospital 40 minutes away. I was able to talk with him and pray with him before surgery. After what seemed life forever, the doctor came out and told us he was resting in recovery and we would see him soon. Then less than an hour later, we were told he died on that table. It was a tough period, knowing that I survived, but he didn’t. I miss my father so much some days it still hurts. Then a couple years ago, I lost my brother too. He was in his late thirties with two teenage boys. The doctors first told us that they would make him as comfortable as possible. We advocated for surgery. He lasted through the surgery. Was on his way to making another miraculous recovery, but almost two weeks later, his body gave out. I’m just thankful that I had that extra time with him to witness to him.
I don’t understand why I am still alive and the others are not. But I know that without the hope found in Christ, life is too miserable to manage alone.
Now, fourteen years later, I have been given a new prognosis. I’m dying. There are fenestrations?? that are present from the root of the aorta all the way down past my kidneys. The operation is so evasive that no doctor is willing to undertake it unless its basically to try to save my life with another miracle. I know that Dr. Savage told me that I need to keep my blood pressure down and that I can die at any minute with blood clots riddling my body, but I guess I never believed it. After all, I was given a miracle. Now it seems that this looming over me. Perhaps it always was and now it’s just been brought to my attention.
I am trying not to be disheartened, but I thought I would live at least until I saw my son graduate from high school (he’ll be a freshman next year). I know that worrying will not add any days to my life, but my faith is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.
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